


She Tried to Scream

by PoemsandRoses



Category: Tegan and Sara (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoemsandRoses/pseuds/PoemsandRoses
Summary: The seductive ocean called to them and in its embrace they danced--A night of haze and darkness leads to a regretful morning. Sara tries to voice her thoughts, but she's unable to so she lets them flood inside.
Relationships: Sara Quin/Tegan Quin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15





	She Tried to Scream

**Author's Note:**

> Major trigger warnings:  
> 1\. This one-shot is inspired by many things: The Awakening by Kate Chopin, The Laugh of the Medusa (article) by Helen Cixous, High School (the book), and Hey, I'm Just Like You (the song) so yes it's all over the place.
> 
> 2\. They are minors. Sixteen or something. Don't read please if this is triggering or you're not okay with it. I do not intend to sexualize them. I am just reflecting on Sara's struggle with her sexuality and self-hate during her teen years. There is descriptive sex in there so read at your own risk.
> 
> 3\. There's this huge part of what penis-envy in the story.
> 
> 4\. Mentions of drugs, alcohol, homophobia, and self-hate. 
> 
> 5\. Hints of suicide. Please don't read if this is triggering. 
> 
> Again, it's just a story. They are just thoughts. Nothing's real. Art for art's sake.

She tried to scream. Loud...ly...scream. She closed her eyes and the vibrant colors blinded her muted vision. She tried to scream but water filled her lungs. Water and air and sadness. Her sister’s voice was faint against the noise inside her head. And despite the silence, everything screamed inside that head.

The drugs filled her system and lit it on fire. She stood there on the edge and felt the waves of euphoria swim inside her veins. She tried to scream, but her lungs were too dry and her vision was too blurry. She opened her eyes and the screaming colors danced in front of her. Blue...red…green…yellow…purple…pink…and orange. Deep…dark…orange. She closed her eyes again but the colors were still there. Her head was spinning and her heart was crying. She opened her eyes one more time. Her sister was laughing so loudly and she couldn’t tell why.

“Oh my God, I have to pee,” screamed Tegan. She jumped on one foot with her long hair jumping with her. Sara shook her head and laughed. “I have to pee,” she shouted again and laughed and laughed and laughed till she fell off on the cold sand.

“Get up,” Sara ordered, taking slow steps towards her in the dark. “You’re so fucking stoned,” she commented while extending one arm for her twin sister to hold her hand. “Tegan, get the fuck up.”

The waves crashed behind. They were loud. They competed with the winds. Sara fell on her sister’s body with screaming laughter coming from the older twin. Sara’s mind was drugged but not to the extent her sister’s was.

Tegan was bubbly and lively and fun. All their friends witnessed it but she wasn’t so crazy and messed up and wild…unless she was stoned…as she was then. “Fuck you, Tegan,” Sara said as she got up on two knees, dusting the sand off her wide jeans. “I don’t wanna get sands all over my clothes. Mum will be a bitch about it. Get up.”

“Screw mum,” Tegan said. She grunted, using her elbows to get up. “Let’s spend the night at dad’s.” She hiccupped. “I’m gonna piss my pants.”

“Well…do something about it,” Sara mouthed, watching her sister wiggle both legs and dance around in pain. “You can see there are no bathrooms in here.”

How did they get to the ocean? Sara didn’t even remember. At least they were together. When they were together, Sara didn’t worry because as much as wasted Tegan was she always found the way back home and always took control when Sara felt lost. Tegan had always saved them. She was going to get them back home again.

“What are you doing?” Sara gasped, looking at Tegan’s doc martens and socks lying next to her and Tegan in the process of ridding herself off her pants and underwear.

“I wanna pee.” Sara’s eyes widened, watching her sister get completely naked from the bottom half. “Don’t look,” Tegan whispered. “I don’t wanna go in there. It’s scary. I’ll pee on the sand and the waves will wash it away.” Sara’s horror-stricken face was still focused with sharp glances at her sister’s nudity. It was too dark to see anything and it seemed that there was too much hair to even take a look at what she, too, had. “Fuck, Sara, you look like a creep.”

“I’m just shocked you’re doing this so openly in here.” Both knew there weren’t anyone around. But Sara meant she was shocked Tegan was doing that in front of her…in the open…in front of the ocean.

She averted her gaze and stared at it...wide...big...seductive...the bright colors reflected on it. She wanted to go there and hide inside the ocean, but she didn’t want to go back alone...not alone.

A faint whimper took her gaze back on her sister. Tegan squatted as she pissed and Sara watched with prying eyes. When Tegan lifted up her face, their eyes met for a second before Sara averted her gaze once again...so quickly...so shyly.

That shouldn’t have made her clit tremble. That was wrong. She closed her eyes again and squeezed so tightly remembering Naomi and her boyfriend. Her body missed her friend, but her friend didn’t miss her or her phallus-less body.

Some dark nights in bed she imagined her clit would grow and grow and grow till it was able to fuck Naomi. She could imagine it till she felt her clit hard and big enough to touch. She would take a look at it. She would pull her pajama pants down and then her underwear. In the dark. Underneath the covers. Her clit would still be the same. Just a bit protruding due to the arousal. But it would be nowhere near large or big. It would never be able to go inside a cunt and fuck it. Someone’s lips would barely wrap around it.

The daydreaming journey would end with her rubbing it until the nerves burst in nirvana and her eyes would shut. Faint colors. Bright colors. Those colors after cumming would swim inside her head the way they were doing then as she stood near the ocean with its open mouth and cold embrace and lustful seduction.

That same feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. Her clit. It was big. It was ready to go inside any vagina and fuck it till it hurt it. She wanted it. Tegan’s pussy. How beautiful it looked when she squatted and her clit protruded like hers when she was aroused.

A tear fell from her tightly squeezed eye. The right eye. She felt it as it trailed down her cheek the way her mind envisioned her clit inside her sister’s cunt. Her opening throbbed for…for something inside…She was just a girl…with a hole.

She didn’t have what Naomi’s boyfriend had. She could never fuck Naomi that way because she had a vagina. A vulva. A clit…very small. Labia. Inner and outer. A hole. A creamy pink hole that craved Naomi’s tongues and fingers inside and, perhaps, one day, hopefully…a dick…like Naomi.

A high pitched shriek forced her eyes open and her gaze to go back to the direction of the sound. Tegan was on the ground. All of her. Cursing and groaning, she attempted pulling herself up, but a wave crashed again and pushed her down on the sand, eliciting another scream from her.

“Shit, Tee.” Sara ran to her but the soles of her boots sank in the wet sand. She felt herself falling and she knew she was probably going to fall on her sister’s body once again. Tegan caught her as another wave covered the two of them.

Hair wet. Clothes wet. Tegan was still naked from the waist down. Sara observed.

“We fell in my piss,” Tegan commented, attempting to get up slowly.

Sara lay there. Not listening. She closed her eyes as she sank deep inside the sand. Inside that moment of June. That dark night. With the colors flying high in the sky above her.

“There’s sand in my vagina. Literally inside it,” Tegan remarked.

When Sara opened her eyes, she could see that part of her sister clearly due to the proximity of their bodies. She watched as Tegan rid herself off her large hoodie and the shirt underneath.

“What are you doing?” Sara whispered in the silent night as a whistle of wind travelled behind. “You’ll get cold.”

“I’m gonna swim. It’s not cold. The wind is hot. I need to clean myself off.” Tegan pushed up her sports bra quickly and Sara’s uncontrolled reaction was met with a chuckle.

“No need to gasp. I’m walking with my pussy out so my tits are a no biggie.” Sara didn’t comment. She just stared at what Tegan would do next. “Maybe you should wash yourself, too.” Sara shook her head, but the sand touched her cheek. “You don’t have to get naked.”

Sara wondered whether Tegan was just too stoned to notice her stark nudity in public or that she just did not care because nobody in their right mind would be in that side of the ocean at such an hour of the night.

They were at a party…right. It was suffocating. The music was loud. The odor was repugnant. The faces were demons screaming in the night. The colors merged and twirled and danced together. The mouths were big. The teeth were yellow. The smoke was malodorous. She was in bed with someone. She didn’t remember. They made out.

But there she was with Tegan in the ocean. Whose house was that which led them to the wide black ocean?

She was safe and alive because Tegan was there…in the ocean. In this dark night. With her. Around this calm breeze. Dancing with the colors.

“This is so fucking good,” Tegan screamed, moving like a fairy in the water. “You should come.” Her hair swam behind her. She looked like a godly mermaid. Something from the heavens above. Dark, long, beautiful hair. The water engulfed her, hugged her, kept her safe.

_Come to me, be safe. Come to me, come to my embrace. I’ll enfold you. I’ll keep you warm. Leave this world and fly inside my liquid. Join me in this never-ceasing vastness. Join me in this blackness. Jump inside and you will not find a day of misery. I keep you safe. I keep you warm. I give you love. I give you solace. Laugh…laugh and leave the world. Laugh inside the waves. Fly with the waves. Move and dance in the fluid rhythm of my wetness and be safe. Enclose her and fly away together. Wrap both arms around her and both legs will follow. Become one. Become one. A whole. A being. Dance together. Go back to me. Come back to me. I am your mother. I am your ocean._

Her hands were shaking. She shivered. She felt a growing heat on the top of her upper lip. A pimple. Heat. A fever. She felt hot and cold at the same time. She discarded her large blue jacket and the orange sweater followed. Her black tank top concealed her curves well but revealed the paleness of skin and the goosebumps on bony arms.

It came off and the white bra followed.

Tegan watched, still swaying in the ocean like a little fairy.

The belt came off, and then the jeans…and the olive-colored briefs. Before she could pull them down her feet, she took off her boots and socks.

Tegan swam towards her, increasing the embarrassment she felt exposing her nude form. She hated her nudity. Tegan knew that, though. She had heard her cry because of the size of her breasts before. She touched them to cover herself and stood with legs closed together.

The breeze slapped her thin body and the whistling followed. The colors chased her. The green was particularly on her. She grabbed her hair and parted it in half from the back then pulled it to the front to cover her breasts. She spread her arms out and enjoyed the June air. She took it in and sighed.

“Get in,” Tegan asked. She was swimming close. Her breasts were above water. Her nipples were pointy and sharp. The water must be cold. “It feels so nice.”

Her toes touched the water. Her feet. Her ankles. Her shins.

She walked and trembled as the pebbles tickled her feet. Her thighs were submerged next. She looked down at the hair on her mound, hoping nothing would pinch her or touch her there.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything in the water?” she asked timidly.

Tegan laughed and extended her arm. “Nothing has touched me yet.”

Sara closed her eyes and fell. Into her arms. Into the warm embrace. Into the seductive ocean. In the waves of ecstasy and freedom.

She fell into the water, wrapped around the foamy goodness, the cleanliness, the purity, the midnight air of June…of that moment with Tegan underneath the light that shone from different buildings. Blue…red…green…yellow…purple…pink…and orange. Deep…dark…orange.

Tegan held both arms to steady the figure near her. Her eyes were still closed as she let herself be touched by the water. She submerged herself.

“Sara…Sara…Sara, no…What the fuck?” Tegan panicked.

“I’m alright,” Sara said right after getting her face from underneath.

They loved the water…the two of them. They had learned swimming when they were babies. Their mother loved the water and she threw them in it. They clutched their tiny hands together and floated with giggles. The babies became toddlers and they still clutched each other’s hands and squealed as the water touched their faces. The toddlers became children and spent so much time in the pool during the summer. Then the children became awkward teenagers. First, they hated being exposed in the water, but then they figured out they didn’t have to wear revealing swimsuits. The teens gained confidence slowly but they still preferred to swim in one pieces rather than bikinis.

And there they were…naked…in the dark ocean…together…back to the womb.

They looked into each other’s eyes in the quiet stillness.

She tried to scream. The hazel…the beauty…the damp eyelashes. She tried to scream into that face. The flesh…the skin…the pink lips. She wanted to scream.

She tasted the tear. So salty.

The second came. She closed her eyes and cried softly, feeling her sister’s gaze on her. Was she sobering up? Her pains seemed so strong and cruel. The colors seemed so bright. She hoped she wasn’t.

“What makes you so sad?”

She hiccupped and sniffled and that was her response.

“You always cry.” Tegan sighed. She touched her shoulder and squeezed. “Mum always wonders why you cry so much.”

“I don’t know.” Maybe she was just an angsty teenager. She opened her eyes and sniffled. Tegan’s face was so close.

“I’m glad we left the party,” Tegan mumbled.

Their breasts were touching. She could feel Tegan’s nipples.

That was wrong.

But they touched in the womb.

No…that was wrong.

“It was too much...Too many assholes.” Tegan sighed. Her features lost the temporary softness. A tint of anger masked her arched brows and pouty lips.

“Yeah,” Sara whispered, focusing on the phallus between her legs. If she could just manifest it and push it inside Tegan. She was too close…she could do it. She felt it growing. She truly did…even beneath the water.

“How’s Naomi?” Tegan wanted to have a conversation, one she didn’t want to have because her head was somewhere else and so was her body.

“I don’t know,” Sara answered.

Her knee touched a softness so beautiful. Tegan whimpered. It was her inner thigh. So delicate.

Sara hadn’t initiated any sexual act before. She was always the bottom. Always eaten out or fingered or rubbed. Her turn would come later with the directions…only because she was afraid and hateful.

If only she were as normal as Naomi. She would be okay with Naomi having a boyfriend. She would get one and let him fuck her in all the places and positions.

But she just wanted to have what he had so she could fuck every girl with it. What was so special about having a penis anyway? She could buy a dildo when she turned eighteen and moved out. She would train and become better. She would fuck every girl that wanted to be fucked…even Tegan.

Because Tegan wanted to be fucked. Sara felt it when her knee touched the wet cunt. Tegan made it seem like nothing had happened and shifted her body quickly…only to push her knee against Sara’s cunt.

The water sang all around them celebrating the reunion. It twirled and turned and churned and danced.

Her lips were so sweet and cold. Sara licked them, closing her eyes. Her heart drummed and the colors jumped with each beat. She begged for access and it was immediately granted.

Her tongue was velvet and silk. She licked it. She loved it. She sucked it. She danced with it. Their breasts heaved and fell down the way their bodies rose up and fell in the water.

They moved with every wave in the water like dancing swans. Sara dragged Tegan by a hand and moved with their hair following.

Back on the shore…on the sand…with Tegan’s hair lying flat behind her and her body crying with goosebumps as she shivered, Sara parted her legs. Thighs no longer soft due to the dots of coldness covering them. She rubbed them nonetheless.

“Is it okay if I…”

“Do it,” consent was quickly granted.

The wind whispered behind Sara’s head. She knelt down. Her lower half was completely in the water. She grabbed both legs and put them around her. Her nipples kissed the sand. She couldn’t stop them. She didn’t care.

If she had a dick…it would have been in that small hole.

She only had a wet mouth and a fierce tongue.

A lick…quick. So tasty. Another lick. A shudder. So delicious. She took a third taste and stayed in there. Her tongue moved forwards and backwards against the pink slit, drinking the thick fluids.

Tegan didn’t moan or scream or whisper or mumble. She just breathed loudly. She only gasped and took a portion of the hair on Sara’s head.

“Is this your first?” Sara asked. Her lips were dripping with the sweet nectar. She licked the lower one and moaned at the taste.

“It is,” Tegan confirmed. “The first…ever.”

Sara smiled and hid back between the full thighs she held for leverage. Her tongue was her weapon and she moved it against the engorged clit. She could feel it pulsating the way her own hole did. Her own clit did.

She took a look at it. She stared. She couldn’t really take a look at her clit up close except with a mirror and that wasn’t enough. But there she was taking a look at its twin realizing how small it was. Even when it was engorged like that and visible…it was barely there. A button. A ball of nerves. A small one in fact. Naomi would never be satisfied with it.

But she was. She was satisfied with what girls gave her. Licking or fingering or rubbing or whatever…it was all nice and beautiful. If she wanted more…two fingers would be pushed. If she wanted it to hurt…three…and one time four.

She would get a dildo when she grew up.

A sound so beautiful and tantalizing left Tegan’s lungs when her clit was sucked. Sara’s eyes looked up and saw the opened slits above her. A smile was exchanged. She bobbed her head back and forth because she knew how amazing that felt. Tegan writhed beneath her. She looked at the clit again. It was bigger…beautiful. She kissed it.

“I’m gonna finger your pussy.” Tegan nodded.

She licked it one last time. One long lick, making the thighs around her head tighten around her. She pushed one digit in the warm wetness. Her own hole cried in need. She tried to control herself and sucked in the muscles in there.

If somebody touched her, she could explode. She was sure about it.

Sara rubbed the patch of skin that usually brought her joy. “What about this, Tegan?” she asked sweetly, without looking at her sister. “Have you ever done it to yourself?”

“Yeah,” Tegan answered. “Can’t you tell?” That time Sara looked at her. They remained silent for a mere second before Sara shook her head. “I always do it. I love it.”

Tegan was normal, probably. She was like Naomi and would love to have a penis inside her.

“If I had a penis, I would have pushed it in your beautiful cunt.” She wasn’t sure such crudeness was okay with her sister but Naomi always used it on her.

But Naomi wasn’t her sister. She looked down at her digit again and pulled it out.

“Wh…” Before Tegan could object, she went in with three, surprising the woman and shutting her mouth. “Fuck.” Tegan closed her eyes when Sara began fucking her.

“Is this too much?” Because she could feel strong resistance and she didn’t want to hurt her sister the way Naomi had hurt the first time she had done that.

“No…it’s good…I love it.” Sara felt disappointment sit in her guts. She didn’t know why, but she was disappointed.

She dragged her tongue out again and lapped against Tegan’s clit.

“If you had a penis I wouldn’t have let you do this,” Tegan said all of a sudden.

Sara looked up again.

“You would be my brother and that’s just…”

“But I am your sister.”

“You’re my twin…It’s different.” Sara nodded and went back to business.

It wasn’t different. It was the same. She was a predator but she loved doing that to the body beneath her.

She took her chance and sucked the clit until Tegan came with a wave from the ocean behind covering Sara’s naked ass completely and almost pulling both into the water.

Sara rolled to the side and fell into the sand. Eyes closed. Breath hitched. Tears fell like raindrops.

“I never thought anyone would eat me out ever,” she heard her sister say. “Men are trash. You’d give them head and then they’d be like let me stick my dick in you and call it a day. They’d cum twice and you won’t cum at all.”

“How the fuck do you know that?” Sara spat, opening her eyes and staring at her sister. Tegan shrugged.

But Naomi said otherwise.

“People talk about it. It’s known.”

Maybe their experiences were terrible. Maybe Naomi was lucky…too lucky in fact.

“Can I touch you, too?” Sara nodded. The flame was extinguished with sadness but Tegan could and, hopefully, would light it up again.

“I haven’t ever touched a woman but I’ve touched myself and we’re the same.” Her hand brushed Sara’s breast. It was a cold hand. Sara didn’t close her eyes. She stared at the vibrant colors. Blue…red…green…yellow…purple…pink…and orange. Deep…dark…orange.

Her nipples became wet when Tegan took them in her mouth. Each got its turn. Sara parted her legs and welcomed the sweet air to touch her before Tegan did.

Tegan kissed her stomach before sitting up between her legs to look there the way Sara had done. She touched the hair and pulled. She put her index against the clit and pressed. The sound Sara let escape her was soft but audible. The same index fled inside the awaiting core for a second then quickly traveled to Tegan’s lips. She licked it then took it inside and sucked like a little whore.

Sara watched with dizzy eyes. The flame had been ignited.

“Now I wish I had a cock,” Tegan mumbled against Sara’s pussy. She kissed the tender flesh. “Because this is so beautiful…I think I’m into girls.” She laughed and kissed again.

Sara laughed. She never did so during sex but she was just laughing while Tegan’s tongue was all over her cunt, kissing and licking and biting and making out with it as if she was kissing someone’s actual lips.

She wished Tegan had a cock, too. She wanted to know what Naomi had experienced.

Normal thoughts. Those were normal thoughts.

She laughed more and fell down against the sand with Tegan’s two fingers inside. Her breasts wobbled. She held them and rubbed one nipple along the way.

The orgasm was too close and too orange like the color coming from the far away building in the distance. The biggest of them all.

She stared at it when her laughter died down. She stared at it and let Tegan fuck her while the wind kissed her exposed skin.

She stared at it and cried when the feeling in her nether region was just too much to handle. She rocked her body while three fingers moved inside her and Tegan’s head moved side to side with that sharp tongue making her clit beg for mercy.

She knew the waves were getting closer, pulling them towards the water and she knew her orgasm was approaching but the feeling kept growing and she let it grow. She tightened her muscles around Tegan’s digits and laughed a little at the audible protest. Tears still fell. She unclenched…clenched again. Tegan bit her clit. She screamed. Unclenched. Clenched again. She screamed…because of the orgasm…because of the wave of pleasure.

The colors were the brightest. So beautiful. Like daylight with closed eyes. So charming. So…exhausted.

She felt exhausted. She closed her eyes and felt the water pull her down to the ocean with her sister holding onto her for dear life. Body on top of another, they fell into the water and floated.

“You’re better than Naomi,” Sara said in the water. The two bodies held one another closely. Legs were entangled. Sara’s head on Tegan’s shoulder and eyes closed.

She wanted to scream but she couldn’t.

“So you were sleeping with her.” She knew. Sara knew that Tegan knew.

But there was the confirmation.

“I was.”

“And now she’s…”

“Yup.” Sara didn’t want Tegan to continue. She left the embrace and walked further into the water, crying and crying and crying.

“That’s why you’re sad,” Tegan said but Sara only cried.

She knew her sister was following her. She moved further away and Tegan was behind.

“I wanna scream,” Sara said with choked up breaths. “Scream.”

“Then do it,” Tegan said, finally taking a hold of her hand and turning her around. “Scream! Nobody can hear you.”

Sara sniffled. The shore felt so far away. That was dangerous. Why did she feel so good? So calm? So peaceful?

“Scream,” Tegan encouraged. “As loudly as you can.”

She tried. She began. The first “Ahh” was immediately captured by a choked sob and a wailing sound followed. She cried so hard she could not scream. She looked up at the sky and watched the colors in the stars and cried loudly and wept.

She was back in the circular embrace again by Tegan and the water, held inside and kept warm.

“We just fucked and we’re sisters,” Sara cried and hiccupped. “That’s fucked up.”

“I…” Tegan didn’t have words to say. She knew it was wrong.

“I am so sad,” Sara said. “So sad,” she shouted. “God, I am so miserable.”

The lights weren’t so bright when she opened her eyes. The blue was faint and the yellow was dull. The orange was the only light there and it was the light from the burning building far away in the distance.

The drugs had no effect on her.

She let go of Tegan and cried. “I feel wrong…all wrong…everything in me…in my body.”

“Sa…”

“Sometimes…sometimes I wish I had a dick so I could fuck Naomi so she wouldn’t run away to another man.”

“Oh…”

“But I love my feminine parts,” Sara rambled, crying and sniffling. “I just hate myself. I hate that I like girls. I hate that mum doesn’t know. I hate that mum will have to know. I hate that I have to hide and lie. I hate how our family makes fun of homosexuals and I hate how you are always there in my way.”

“Me?” Tegan asked. “Me?” she repeated in disbelief.

“Yes…you. You’re always there and now you’re…here…with me…in the ocean and we’re naked and we just fucked, Tegan. We are incestuous and disgusting.”

“So we helped each other cum, so what?” Tegan’s lips trembled and the frown increased. She was going to cry.

“Sisters shouldn’t…do this.” Tegan shrugged her shoulder and cried.

Maybe realization hit her.

“I wish I weren’t so messed up in the head.”

“If you’re messed up, I’m just like you, you know,” Tegan said. “I did it, too.”

A wave crashed against the two of them, parting them from one another. Water got into Sara’s lungs. She tried to scream, but her head was underwater. She tried t reach for Tegan. She tried.

The sounds…the colors…the ocean…big and black and cold and scary.

She let herself surrender.

…

_“The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clamouring, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in the abysses of solitude; to lose itself in mazes of inward contemplation. The voice of the sea speaks to the soul. The touch of the sea is sensuous, enfolding the body in its soft, close embrace.” –_ Kate Chopin _: The Awakening._

_…_

Sara’s eyes opened slowly. A slap of cold air hit her cheek. The sky was blue and cloudless and the birds twittered in the distance. The waves sang a tune of mourning. She was still unclothed but not exactly. Pieces of fabric were draped on top of her and beneath her. Her feet were wet with the water.

No lights. No colors. No darkness in the ocean. It was blue and sparkling. Pearls and diamonds swam in the distance.

“Te…Tegan?” She looked around her for her savior. They had not gone home. Their mother was going to kill them. She was probably roaming the streets for them. “Tegan?”

“Here,” a rasp like no other greeted her. Smoke traveled to her nostrils. She knew what that was. Tegan was smoking a joint.

“I…” She swallowed. She could barely speak. “What happened?”

“You almost drowned,” Tegan said so casually. “I dragged you to the shore and you slept.”

“What…what were we doing in the ocean? It’s scary.” Tegan looked at her in confusion. Yes, she was pretending she forgot. But could she really do that? They were naked. But if she pretended, everything would be better. Life would be better.

“What do you remember?”

“Barely anything.” Sara sat up, covering her chest. Tegan was naked. She sat there with no clothes on and smoked. Art on canvas. Every color and detail looked clearer in the morning. “We took our clothes off and swam.”

“Yeah.” Tegan passed the joint to Sara and stood up.

Sara’s face met the hair on her sister’s mound. She looked down. No colors. No darkness. No solace. No peace. Only seduction.

“Imma go swim,” Tegan announced.

“We have to…get back…mum is probably losing her shit…it’s cold…Tegan…”

Sara called and called and called but Tegan walked into the ocean and continued moving on her own.

“Don’t leave me. I’m coming,” Sara cried. Throwing the cigarette away, Sara ran after her twin sister.

The first dip inside the ocean was the coldest.

The calm followed and the seduction took place. Two bodies were back in the vast ocean. It wrapped its tender love around them and kept them close to one another. They held hands and smiled. “Don’t leave me.”

“Don’t lie to me,” Tegan whispered. “Don’t.”

“I’m sorry I’m fucked up.”

A chuckle interrupted the song of the waves. “Hey, well, I’m just like you.” Tegan closed her eyes and a tear fell.

They swam together with hands clutched…they swam until they couldn’t go back. They swam too far in the wide and wild and whiny ocean.

Though Sara tried to scream, she preferred the silence. The ocean screamed for her and her sister as it embraced them in its loving womb.


End file.
